


tainted dreams and spitting out poison

by transclawed



Series: silent the sound as i come back around [4]
Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-17 10:58:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21053273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transclawed/pseuds/transclawed
Summary: nathan decides to tell max everything. he wants it to hurt because its the truth. it does.alternatively: how does the main character of a tragedy tell others that he knows he cant get out?





	tainted dreams and spitting out poison

**Author's Note:**

> once again, not in the main canon of my particular nathan but just one of the many timelines he's experienced! not too long, hope y'all like it! :]

"hey, max."  
nathan tests the words out, weighing them on his tongue, as he sits with one knee pressed to his chest and the other across the tiny couch in max's room. outside, its storming like it never has before, although its no tornado, he knows that. its the early hours of october 10th, and he thought that would be a fitting day, for this. he can hear max waking up across the room, and suddenly it feels like its getting smaller, trying to choke him. it doesnt really work.  
he flicks the ash off the end of his cigarette onto the floor, taking another long drag, just watching as she sits up, and jerks back when she notices him there, face going from sleepy to full of fear and panic in seconds. he knows someone who'd enjoy the sight.  
"im not here to hurt you, max. i just want to talk."  
he puts his hands up, letting his exhaustion show on his face, in his voice. max is now tense as a bowstring about to snap, but she nods carefully, warily. she doesnt trust him. thats fine.  
"some storm out there, huh? but not as bad as the one on its way. i heard its a real twister. arcadia bay is gonna be turned to fucking glass, as chloe likes to say."  
he watches max transform again, from scared and wary to confused, angry, and thats fine.  
"how do you know that? you're- you know about the storm?"  
he takes another long drag, and adds to the small pile of ash growing on the floor by his foot.  
"we both know i die today, max. i just wanted to talk, like i said. i know you've been through my room, my locker, seen my meds. ever wonder what they were for?"  
he pauses, letting it sink in that he knows.  
"i know that ive died a million times over, because its been me. i live and i die and then im back here like nothing ever happened. the meds keep me stupid, keep me the way i was before, make me forget. make me think im crazy, just like everyone's always said. but im not. and i know that you're the most selfish, cruel person ive ever met. i know a lot of horrible people, max."  
he can see her stuttering over her words, trying to come up with an excuse, some justification. its useless, and her words shake as she forces them out.  
"im just trying to help, im trying to save everyone! i know there's a way to do that, okay? im working on it. ill figure it out."  
nathan snorts, shoving the lit cigaratte into the back of his hand and twisting to put it out, watching max wince even though he doesnt.  
"you just want to save your precious chloe. thats the only thing you've ever actually cared about, max. you never tried to save me, right? even after you knew the truth? nah, not once. you never gave a fuck about the rest of us."  
max's jaw twinges in frustration and he can see her starting to shrink in on herself. thats fine. he stands, now, and when she shrinks back even more, he holds his hands up again.  
"dont worry, max, i dont wanna fuckin touch you. i said i wanted to talk, and i meant that."  
he lifts up his shirt, letting her take in the damage. bruises and cuts nearly cover his skin, handprints, bite marks. round scars and plenty of damage leading downwards, and he knows she suspects the worst. her little gasp confirms it, hands covering her mouth as she looks back up at his face, tears starting to make her eyes shine. he drops the shirt, giving her a broken, bitter grin.  
"dont worry, this is just from this one timeline, not all of them at once. somehow i doubt id survive that. this is mostly just from jefferson, he likes to mark his territory. warren will add to them later, when you let him almost kill me. and then after everything, jefferson will kill me anyway. i know how this story ends, max. every time its the same."  
he dropped back onto the couch, in his infamous prescott stance, taking up space until he was hard to ignore. max now sat up properly, moving to the end of the bed, glistening eyes on him.  
"why didnt you tell anyone? why didnt you.."  
he can figure out the end of her sentence easily enough, and shrugs, the living embodiment of bitterness.  
"because it wouldnt help. when i tried telling someone about my dad? they didnt do jack shit except dope me up. jefferson isnt as rich but he's famous, and they're all buddy-buddy anyways. sometimes i wish they'd just go fuck each other, but i guess im more their type. theres nowhere for me to run, max, and i know that."  
he knows telling her about this hurts, and thats the point. its not all her fault, of course. but she hasnt tried to help, she never cared, so almost feels justified to hurt her. almost.  
"you mean your dad...?"  
he nods nonchalantly, as if thinking about it doesnt make his insides twist around like burning snakes.  
"yeah, he did. and then came jefferson, and did the same thing. every timeline's the same for me, and the ones where i get arrested i end up dead too. probably dad, cleaning up his mess. i pretty much invented daddy issues, but that was never a secret."  
every word he says pushes max into heavier despair, and as soon as pity flashes in her eyes he glares.  
"and i dont want your pity, max, i really don't."  
he spits the words out, eyes narrow and piercing. he watches as she flinches at the venom, and it brings a hint of angry satisfaction.  
"it hasnt done me much good, has it? nah, i just wanted you to know. i hope you remember, max, because you deserve to. you remind me a lot of jefferson, actually. you cheat and lie to make people like you, but you dont actually give a fuck. its all so you can save chloe and feel better about yourself, like you dont just use everyone to get what you want. sounds familiar, right? only, i guess, he doesnt really feel guilty about anything. so you've got that going for you, congrats."  
he watches the anger flare up in her eyes, an empty grin plastered across his face.  
"theres that anger. well, this has been a nice chat, but im afraid ive got to go. have a busy day today, yknow. getting beaten and then murdered, the usual. ill be seeing you in the next one, max."  
he stands, and is almost surprised by the arm that jerks out to grab him, and doesnt fight when she tries to pull him back, simply stops in place near the door, and turns.  
"stay, if you stay here maybe i can save you! mr jefferson wont find you here, and i can convince chloe to-"  
he pulls his arm out of her grasp, sneering.  
"you cant save everyone, max. ive tried hiding, running. jefferson always finds me. my suffering, my death, its a permanent, fixed point in time. just like rachel's death, like chloe's is supposed to be. dont bother with fake sympathy now. i know who you really are, max, and i dont need explanations or justifications. now, are you going to let me leave, or should i call jefferson here, see what happens?"  
he watches her withdraw, radiating fury and despair and its sweet to his lips. finally. she feels just a hint of what its like to be him. he gives her a mock salute before leaving, pulling out another cigarette, hands shaking as soon as he's out of her sight. it felt good, to tell someone, to tell HER, and it was something he'd been wanting to do for a while now. he just had to wait for a timeline where he wasnt as absolutely doped up, for a moment of enough clarity to remember who he was. he'd taken that chance, and now? he was going to take a good, long rest.


End file.
